articles, short stories

What’s my story?

​“What’s my story?” I happened to ask myself one afternoon when I had few seconds to stretch my sore muscles between the therapy sessions lined up for the day. “Is it what you pretend to the world or what lies beneath your scared and healed skin?” My mind questioned me. I was suddenly confused about the real story, The Real Story of My Life? The one which is hidden perfectly within the wide smiles and or the one which no body will dare to understand. “What is my story?” I am still struggling to analyze. He was the most beautiful mistake I had made in my life. Yeah, we were fools to breakup after 8 years of relationship and 13 years of friendship which was nurtured with childhood stupidity, passionate love and consistent care and support for each other. But as many great love stories end, even our ended. After all those years of memories, even hatred turned into sweet, innocent emotions. And now when I think of our relationship, of course I think of him every single day though, it was the happiest days of my life. Small things we shared then, feel like a volcanic pleasure now. It gives a euphoric and balanced peace for my mind and soul. I happened to be a good daughter in the eyes of society and my parents but constantly lying about my veiled life as they won’t accept the concept I was born with. They won’t understand as they never felt that way. I don’t blame them. I smile. I am trying to be a good physical therapist, caring and trying to add, whatever little or big things to restore their health to the best I can but the artist in me sometimes demands to paint, carves to write a small piece of story or few lines to inspire the world around. Lastly, I am trying to make myself fall in love again with anyone or someone who will care and love me and my family but my soul and body still pleads to love him again, give us a chance again. It gets difficult sometimes maybe because I have never fallen out of his love; he was always there, in me, in my prayers and my dreams. “So what is my real story? And who is the real me?” The one which I am portraying to be in this judgmental world or the one which I am carrying inside me, hiding and living at the same time. It’s complicated and complex, we struggle and fight to be what the world want us to be and hunger after the one we could have been easily without any pain, what we actually are. It’s controversial but I think, “At the end, this is how life is. This is what life is.” And we all have those two lives and the two worlds, the one we desire and the one we are struggling in. The one we are controlling and the one which sets us free. The one which is consciously planned and the one which is subconsciously created with the experiences and emotions. So like me, we all need to change our story! Find the real story. The real self as this life is beautiful and living real will make it happier and easy to live in. Analyze your story and once found, never let it go. Live the real you.

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articles, Daily thoughts, LIFE, LOVE, short stories

“Panic love attacks…” Are you suffering from it???

A latenight text to my girlfriend.,
“You know what… I got d reason for my depressive love attacks…
Its my period weak,
As my dates approaches,  all these thoughts about my past, which I never wanna remember as I want to… always comes with a flashback… I offen think what it would be if there goes a month without thinking about him… he is gone n I very well know that…
But why this happens…
I wanna make my heart totally empty to make space for others a chance to get in… but as of now.. I don’t know what to do.
There still arises a question in my heart,  do I still love him or can I still love only him in future… but I know I can give a chance right…
I know am strong and all those stuff…
Like I have moved on… and all those bullshits words…
Bt am I really,
It’s like I curse him bt instantly,  pray that d curse should not come true,
I howl on him at certain days for what he did, but I forgived him long time ago…
I know things are like, he is the chapter of my life which is shut close, but there is still a hope and carve to get him back some day… I know I should not say this… but right now just feeling all this.. so just speaking up..
His status say, ” Go behind what you want in your life to get it..” or something similar to it… I don’t remember.
Hey, don’t think I am following him, just a side glance on the whatsapp status on my roommates cell. Ya she still has his number.
Oky so what does it reallly means???
What he wants in life??? What he wanted??? Wasn’t I the only thing he wished to have in his life in past?? It might be something else now I know…

My head say me “stop…!! Stop thinking about him right now…” but my heart still beats fast as soon as I think of him… he has that power you know…
Okay fine I know m boring you…
But thats what friends are for….

So now as I am done with telling all that was in my head,  I have a smile back on my face with the thought what will b ur reation reading such a huge msg.
Don’t panic, it was just a hormonal panic attacks of love, emotions…. so not only him, bit these days I feel attached with everyone around more dan before…. I think about you, manali of course, my family n friends in here…. but this one thing is so occupied that you know what now m used to this…

Just needed you to listen…  so my heart could feel ease… that,
“Ya.., baby. There is someone who knows the truth behind your stronger approach towards life… !”
That someone is you…
Love you
Gud nyt sd tc…”
Send to my girlfriend….@ 2:23 am.


So what is this attack????
Love panic attack is the name I have termed it.
It is just like any panic or psychological attacks.
But these are due to the hormonal secretions which increases during the pre days of period, ie., menses., which a women since adulthood till menopausal phase under go thorough.
Just these thoughts get actually realted with all these hormonal increments,  leading to lose of control over the conscious spectrum of emotions in brain, which in relation leads to more carving for love, attention,  caring from loved ones and all those cosy stuffs attacts you.

So, there is nothing to worry if you feel nostalgic and irritating when these lost love thoughts trigger your mind and heart these days… just talk to someone close in your life, this some one in my case is my friend n yours can be your husband,  friends, family, any relatives or colleague with whom you feel comfortable.
Once you let out your thoughts from mind, as you speak…..
You will feel relaxed… and cooldown eventually….
For atleast next 2-3 months and the torelance period will increase gradually, one moment where you’ll be adapted to deal with it.
This is based as per personal experience,  just a thought that could be proved helpful….