Artery, articles, categorized, FRIENDS, LIFE, LOVE, PARENTS, PHOTOGRAPHY..., short stories, THOUGHTS

Note to self.

Will people understand me? My words? Will they read me? What will they feel? Relatable or unrealistic? These questions cross my mind every now and then.

I don’t want to live the kind of life, everyone around me are living. Scheduled, timed and monotonic to be glued to specific boundaries and limits. I don’t want to be those kind, maybe I can’t be. I wasn’t born to be like them. I feel like the wind, the air, omnipresent but not still. I wanna be around everything, learn everything and anything new. I wanna explore. I wanna know. I want to learn, be inspired. I also want to give, to teach, to guide, to inspire.

I can’t be stuck between the real me and the survival me, who is just being another human who is competing with everyone in this crazy world and society. I don’t want to prove or show anyone, anything. It never bothered me. Yeah, to my parents? Yes. always did and does…

But until when??? 

If I wanna live real, I need to speak. If I want an extraordinarily life, I should be ready to face the end number of difficulty and downs. If I want to fly, I should not fear of falling from high. I need to gear up my everything, my every cell together and energize.

One of the prove of my courageous decision was to get ink on my skin for lifetime. That was my decision without fearing for the consequences from my parents. I was brave enough that time, I guess. When I was younger, I feel I was more liberal and stronger than now. I fell in love without fearing of heartbreaks and disappointments. Whereas nowadays, a pinch of fear shadows around me all the time.

My voice needs to be clear again. My thoughts needs to nenefree free. My words need to be beautiful and real. So again, my heart could understand what it wants. I need to fall in love again… I need to live. I need to be free…even from myself, I feel.

Finding the real me
articles, short stories

What’s my story?

​“What’s my story?” I happened to ask myself one afternoon when I had few seconds to stretch my sore muscles between the therapy sessions lined up for the day. “Is it what you pretend to the world or what lies beneath your scared and healed skin?” My mind questioned me. I was suddenly confused about the real story, The Real Story of My Life? The one which is hidden perfectly within the wide smiles and or the one which no body will dare to understand. “What is my story?” I am still struggling to analyze. He was the most beautiful mistake I had made in my life. Yeah, we were fools to breakup after 8 years of relationship and 13 years of friendship which was nurtured with childhood stupidity, passionate love and consistent care and support for each other. But as many great love stories end, even our ended. After all those years of memories, even hatred turned into sweet, innocent emotions. And now when I think of our relationship, of course I think of him every single day though, it was the happiest days of my life. Small things we shared then, feel like a volcanic pleasure now. It gives a euphoric and balanced peace for my mind and soul. I happened to be a good daughter in the eyes of society and my parents but constantly lying about my veiled life as they won’t accept the concept I was born with. They won’t understand as they never felt that way. I don’t blame them. I smile. I am trying to be a good physical therapist, caring and trying to add, whatever little or big things to restore their health to the best I can but the artist in me sometimes demands to paint, carves to write a small piece of story or few lines to inspire the world around. Lastly, I am trying to make myself fall in love again with anyone or someone who will care and love me and my family but my soul and body still pleads to love him again, give us a chance again. It gets difficult sometimes maybe because I have never fallen out of his love; he was always there, in me, in my prayers and my dreams. “So what is my real story? And who is the real me?” The one which I am portraying to be in this judgmental world or the one which I am carrying inside me, hiding and living at the same time. It’s complicated and complex, we struggle and fight to be what the world want us to be and hunger after the one we could have been easily without any pain, what we actually are. It’s controversial but I think, “At the end, this is how life is. This is what life is.” And we all have those two lives and the two worlds, the one we desire and the one we are struggling in. The one we are controlling and the one which sets us free. The one which is consciously planned and the one which is subconsciously created with the experiences and emotions. So like me, we all need to change our story! Find the real story. The real self as this life is beautiful and living real will make it happier and easy to live in. Analyze your story and once found, never let it go. Live the real you.

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categorized, HINDI POEMS, Hindi songs, LIFE, LOVE, POEMS, Poetry

Kuch log kehte hai.

Yuhi kuch dino se,
Kuch kahi ankahi baato ko sunna,
Yeh ladki toh aisi na thi,
Isme toh phele sharmo haya thi.
Nazre jhuka ke chalti thi,
Sharmati thi, kabhi kabhi muskurati thi,
Aaj toh sar pe duppatta bhi na tha,
Jane kaha chod aayi woh apni haya.

Log kehte hai shayad dhoka khaya hai pyaar mein isne,
Diwaani se hogayi hai,
Ab usse na duniya ki aur na khudki fikar hai,
Ab haar roj woh lakho dilo ko todne lagi hai.

Woh kehti hai duniya dekh rahi hu aur Usse apne aapko pehchaana hai abhi.
Dilo ka sauda karna toh inn logo ne sikhaya,
Usne toh ek baar dil lagaya tha aur fir na karpayi pyaar kabhi.

Yuhi kuch dino se,
Kuch kahi ankahi baato ko sunna,
Yeh ladka toh aisa na tha,
Harpal hasta chehekta rehta tha.
Duniyaan dari ki fikar nahi thi,
Apne hi mann ki karta tha,
Jane kaha khogayi iski azaadi,
Aaj toh khudme hi ked rehne laga hai.

Log kehte hai shayad dhoka khaya hai pyaar me isne,
Parwano sa hogaya hai,
Ab toh usse na khudka hosh hai,
Aur na hi ek pal aur jeene ka shokh hai.

Woh kehta hai jindagi ko samjh chuka hu main,
Jee chuka hu main apni jindagi,
Har pal mein abhi bhi woh rehti hai mere saath,
Pyaar toh pyaar hai chahe dur rahu ya uske pass…


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