Princess- is a feeling.


Nor a perfect white gown,

Neither wears a sandal made of glass,

Not even cursed with long magical hair,

No prince charming to kiss to be awake.

She is born with fire in her veins,

Shielded with her own courage and strength,

Wears a crown made of her mistakes,

Yet feels like a princess who is born to rule.

Even she dreams of a kingdom made of love,

Her Prince Charming to care and serve,

Mesmerized by the sunset viewing from their window,

Even they will have one day a lived happily forever ending…


Note to self.


Will people understand me? My words? Will they read me? What will they feel? Relatable or unrealistic? These questions cross my mind every now and then.

I don’t want to live the kind of life, everyone around me are living. Scheduled, timed and monotonic to be glued to specific boundaries and limits. I don’t want to be those kind, maybe I can’t be. I wasn’t born to be like them. I feel like the wind, the air, omnipresent but not still. I wanna be around everything, learn everything and anything new. I wanna explore. I wanna know. I want to learn, be inspired. I also want to give, to teach, to guide, to inspire.

I can’t be stuck between the real me and the survival me, who is just being another human who is competing with everyone in this crazy world and society. I don’t want to prove or show anyone, anything. It never bothered me. Yeah, to my parents? Yes. Always.it always did and does…

But until when??? 

If I wanna live real, I need to speak. If I want an extraordinarily life, I should be ready to face the end number of difficulty and downs. If I want to fly, I should not fear of falling from high. I need to gear up my everything, my every cell together and energize.

One of the prove of my courageous decision was to get ink on my skin for lifetime. That was my decision without fearing for the consequences from my parents. I was brave enough that time, I guess. When I was younger, I feel I was more liberal and stronger than now. I fell in love without fearing of heartbreaks and disappointments. Whereas nowadays, a pinch of fear shadows around me all the time.

My voice needs to be clear again. My thoughts needs to nenefree free. My words need to be beautiful and real. So again, my heart could understand what it wants. I need to fall in love again… I need to live. I need to be free…even from myself, I feel.

Finding the real me

Never did our story ended


​Never did our story ended,

Never did we really depart.

It’s not the weather nor our history,

Which made me again think of us.

Courageous enough to tale our storyline,

In need for a better start,

Made me meticulously craft this act,

Ambiguous about the response.

Stereotype of our past was broken,

When we expressed with total transparency,

You and Me and the apology,

Filled my heart with a bliss.

No overpowering,

No conditions or controlled,

Love is not the long cheesy conversations,

But sometimes, it’s the short and real confabulations.

I DON’T NEED AFFECTION TO SURVIVE ANYMORE…


​Today, while talking to one of my friend. I debated on, “I DON’T NEED AFFECTION TO SURVIVE ANYMORE.” 


Even though I won the onversation and he was satisfied with my view. Later, my instincts started questioning myself. 

And Yeah, I have to agree. Everyone needs love and affection to survive and so do I. Not the family and friends kinda love. We all do need them always in our life and I am no exceptionally different. But the love I am talking about is the soulmate, partner or the better half kind of which everyone needs in some walks of their lives. 

Even now, I have a half blur vision of the person who will be with me like always (half has the image of the past). No matter how bad or good things or situations get, he will never leave me. Stick to me like a chewing gum. It will get irritating and irrational also. Fear, Jealousy , everything will set in but nothing will keep us apart. We will be like one soul in two different being. It’s cheesy but this is how love felt once and I know, it will happen again. 

Even Today, after watching a romantic movie, I wipe my tears and smile like a fool, thinking about us and our love story. How beautiful it would have been??? So many more amazing chapters would have been written???  But no offense or regrets to anything done in past, may it be Loving you. You make me smile, even now. And that’s what reflects our love. HOPES HIGH!!! 🙂

#oncealoveralwaysalover #notthatserious #throwback #loveaffair #

That dullness in your eye


That dullness in your eye,

Makes my heart shrink in that darkness of our past.

The cuddles, the lust, the passion to be attached with nothing but love

That was covered with the mask of differences, Disappointments and disbelieves.

So why don’t you smile for your betrayal, Oh’mister? 

You conquered what you’re heart desired and now, repenting for what you’re heart cried for!

That dullness in your eye says all that I can understand!

What’s my story?


​“What’s my story?” I happened to ask myself one afternoon when I had few seconds to stretch my sore muscles between the therapy sessions lined up for the day. “Is it what you pretend to the world or what lies beneath your scared and healed skin?” My mind questioned me. I was suddenly confused about the real story, The Real Story of My Life? The one which is hidden perfectly within the wide smiles and or the one which no body will dare to understand. “What is my story?” I am still struggling to analyze. He was the most beautiful mistake I had made in my life. Yeah, we were fools to breakup after 8 years of relationship and 13 years of friendship which was nurtured with childhood stupidity, passionate love and consistent care and support for each other. But as many great love stories end, even our ended. After all those years of memories, even hatred turned into sweet, innocent emotions. And now when I think of our relationship, of course I think of him every single day though, it was the happiest days of my life. Small things we shared then, feel like a volcanic pleasure now. It gives a euphoric and balanced peace for my mind and soul. I happened to be a good daughter in the eyes of society and my parents but constantly lying about my veiled life as they won’t accept the concept I was born with. They won’t understand as they never felt that way. I don’t blame them. I smile. I am trying to be a good physical therapist, caring and trying to add, whatever little or big things to restore their health to the best I can but the artist in me sometimes demands to paint, carves to write a small piece of story or few lines to inspire the world around. Lastly, I am trying to make myself fall in love again with anyone or someone who will care and love me and my family but my soul and body still pleads to love him again, give us a chance again. It gets difficult sometimes maybe because I have never fallen out of his love; he was always there, in me, in my prayers and my dreams. “So what is my real story? And who is the real me?” The one which I am portraying to be in this judgmental world or the one which I am carrying inside me, hiding and living at the same time. It’s complicated and complex, we struggle and fight to be what the world want us to be and hunger after the one we could have been easily without any pain, what we actually are. It’s controversial but I think, “At the end, this is how life is. This is what life is.” And we all have those two lives and the two worlds, the one we desire and the one we are struggling in. The one we are controlling and the one which sets us free. The one which is consciously planned and the one which is subconsciously created with the experiences and emotions. So like me, we all need to change our story! Find the real story. The real self as this life is beautiful and living real will make it happier and easy to live in. Analyze your story and once found, never let it go. Live the real you.

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The Other Side.


Engulfed under the cover,
Grabbing the little bit left behind,
On the verge of captivating,
I just wanna run and hide.
Confabulating thoughts,
Aborted memories of the tears,
My heart is poundind loud,
There is no space to escape the fears.
Loud, aggressive and bitters,
All blotting out of me,
No more shielded or masked,
This is just the other side of me.

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SMILE AGAIN.


Pathways I crossed,
Gave clues of your presence,
You were with me
Or it was just my instance.
But I don’t care anymore,
Because they make me smile though.
All I can understand now is,
Mere your name has the power to make me smile again…

image

Smiling again

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